Getting Past Sexual Shyness
Shyness in the bedroom is common for many people, in particular women.
When it's present the result is always the same-physically relating to
another person becomes difficult. If it isn't corrected early on, the foundation
of a relationship can weaken, leading to sexual frustration, arguments,
cheating or worse-a broken love affair.
By it's very character, sexual shyness acts as a barrier that keeps
two people at a distance. However, it doesn't have to. There are ways to
create and build sexual closeness.
Behind the Scenes
Other than being unfamiliar with a new lover, there are two primary
reasons that cause someone to experience sexual shyness: 1. Lack of skills
or inexperience with lovemaking, and 2. A real or perceived bad sexual
experience. Regardless of the genesis, there are four simple things that
you can do to help elevate it:
Learn Where it Came from. If you can uncover when you first began
to have negative thoughts and feelings toward intimate acts, you will be
on the road to rebuilding your sexual self-esteem.
A good way to begin the process is to try a simple technique-make a
list of all the sexually-related experience that causes you angst. Next
to each incident, decide if the experience holds true today. For example,
although it upset you to be called flat-chested when you were 12-years-old,
now as a fully-developed woman, the insult no longer applies. With that,
it's time to let go of the damaging belief tied to the memory. The process
of putting your thoughts into black and white will help to each more real
and manageable. As you do this, you will begin to see a new confidence
Relaxation. The tenser you feel, the more sexual shyness you'll
experience. Prior to being intimate with your partner, find ways to relax
yourself: exercise, yoga, bubble bath, a hot drink.
Skill Development. The more you practice, the more confident
you will be in the bedroom. Skill development can come about in a number
of ways: reading books that instruct on sexual techniques, watching movies
to learn how others do "it," visualization (imaging yourself in a sexual
situation) and, of course, through actual practice with your partner.
Positive Self-Talk. Each time you catch yourself feeling shy,
pay attention to what you are thinking. More than likely, it will be a
negative thought that will exacerbate shyness. Stop your thought immediately
and replace it with a positive statement that builds your sexual confidence.